Make America Normal Again

I just had a vision. A crazy, remarkable, truly wondrous epiphany. In fact, I can’t believe I’m the first person to have thought of this… ok, here it is—ready?

Be a normal person.

That’s it. Just be normal.

No more conspiracy theories from reddit or InfoWars.

No more pretending fake fucking news is real news or vice-versa.

No more filtering out the reality you don’t want to hear while accepting the crazy you do, and then blaming the liberal media for being angry and crazy.

No more thinking there’s some goddamn conspiracy of super-human jackasses out there controlling our minds or our governments.

No more bullshit.

BE fucking normal. Here are some examples:

Math and science are real things. Stop pretending they’re not. You DO NOT know more than experts because you read some obscure blog post on the internet. We can’t cut taxes for rich people, spend more on the military, AND pay down the deficit. We just can’t. It’s called math. And when every consecutive year breaks the record for being the hottest on record, it’s time to admit climate change is a thing instead of saying it’s not because it snows sometimes. It’s called science.

Be fucking normal.

Being normal means using your brain to process information. It means thinking things through to their logical conclusion. Like, for example, the idea there’s a war on white people or white men. There isn’t—and you know how I know that? Because I’m a white man, and I’m pretty sure that if there was a war on me, I’d know about it.

See, that’s why we have brains—it’s what separates us from the animals. Dogs probably think we’re magical Gods. But you and I know we’re not. Why? Because we have bigger brains than they do and we can figure shit out. Remember Occam’s Razor: the simpler the explanation, the more likely it’s true.

I understand this might not seem necessary—I mean it’s all pretty obvious, right?

But then, we elected Donald Trump to be our President.

No seriously, that happened.

We elected Donald fucking Trump President of the United States of America. A man who publicly made fun of a disabled person and had a tape come out DURING THE FUCKING ELECTION in which he said he GRABBED WOMEN BY THE PUSSY!

I don’t think anyone would tell you that’s normal, even the people who voted for him. And if you’re being normal, reasonable—you know, like using your brain and thinking things through—you’d understand that this is really, really bad.

And you, dear reader, probably do—because you read occasionally. Sometimes even newspapers.

Thank you for that.

But see, there are a lot of people out there who don’t. There are actually people out there who think Trump is doing a good job. No really, they do. Like 37% of all Americans.

Hell, the entire Republican Party along with conservative media (think: Fox News, Drudge, InfoWars) are protecting Trump, even though it’s quite possible he’s being blackmailed by Russian spies and/or had his campaign coordinate with Vladimir Putin to hack our election. And why? Because Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, and the rest of the GOP want to cut taxes for rich people, which they intend to pay for by cutting services for poor people. And a lot of people who call themselves “Christians” voted for them.

Think about that for a second. Like a normal person. Our national security is being undermined because Republicans want to give the wealthiest .1% of our country, who already own as much as the bottom 90% of all Americans, a huge tax cut they’re going to pay for by ending things like Meals on Wheels: a program that gives food to people who are in such bad shape they can’t get out of the house to shop or make their own food. And most American “Christians” are on board with this shit.

How is that OK? I don’t get it. Again, thinking like a normal person: how is that OK? Would Republicans be cool if Obama’s administration appeared to be infiltrated by Russian spies and was being protected by Congressional Democrats? Or would they be lighting their hair on fire and bringing guns to Washington?

We all know the answer.

I guess, here’s the thing: I thought we lived in a pretty normal world. Like, people go to work, they have kids, their kids go to school, and then we have sports, television, and social media. People start businesses that do things we need like serve food, sell products, and provide services. We have a public education system and a relatively stable society. I mean, yeah, there are problems—but not like the problems they have in Africa or Pakistan or North Korea where huge portions of society can’t get enough to eat, might be killed by terrorists at any moment, or could be disappeared in the blink of an eye for saying something critical about their government. Shit, if I lived in any of those places I’d be dead 30 times over.

I guess what I’m saying is that we live in a pretty free, prosperous, fair society. Right? So why the fuck have so many people gotten so sideways with their politics? Why can’t we just be fucking normal?

If you’re waiting for an answer I don’t have one. I’d blame the internet, but old people are some of the craziest fuckers around and they don’t even know how to use the internet.

But maybe that’s a good place to start when discussing politics from now on: let’s all agree to be normal.

… not holding my breath.

If you like the above, check out my new novel Cherry City Pulp! An awkward, sexy, funny, and sometimes violent story about relationships, sex, high school, and young people growing up in Oregon, chock full of satire and social commentary. Also, please help us out by making a donation on our website Every penny counts. If you can’t make a donation at this time, the other way you can help is to spread the word–so please, like, share, email, tweet, and/or retweet our posts. Remember to follow me on twitter @Chuckingrocks or email me:

About The Author: Jay Scott


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