Hypocrites. Assholes. Liars. Fools. Whiners. Idiots. Tools. Slanderers.

The Republican Party and its followers, still reeling from being twice defeated by a black Democrat, have been proposing, in several states, a truly de-revolutionary departure from our electoral system.  See, instead of that pesky electoral system (you know, the fucked up one we’ve been using since our inception), or even simply holding a popular vote for President (which, clearly, they’d lose), the Elephants are putting forth legislation to award electoral votes based on congressional district—as is done now in Nebraska and Maine.

See, because so many states have Republican gerrymandered districts (drawn specifically to give one party—in this case the GOP—a distinct advantage in elections), if such a plan were put in place throughout the country, Obama would have lost the 2012 election, and Democrats in general would be hard pressed to win the Presidency…ever.  In other words, if you can’t win fair and square based on the current rules, find a way to change the rules in your favor.  Cheat.

If such a system were enacted, rural voters (you know: morons) would have far greater say in electing a President.  For example, in Virginia, one of the states making such a proposal, Democratic voters in urban areas (you know: smarts) would only count for about 3/5ths of a person… hmmm, now where have I heard that number before, and why does it sound so nefarious?

This is all based on the premise that the U.S. is a predominantly “center-right” country, a view that is shared by everyone on the right from ball-less David Brooks (who is read only occasionally by liberals who feel bad for him, and are then immediately reminded how much of a stupid asshole he is) to crazy Tea-Party favorite, Alan West—a man so thoroughly out of his gourd that only people who are mentally deranged can listen to him for more than 30 seconds.

Fortunately, they’re wrong.  This is not a “center-right” country, and the last election proved it.  Even after more than two years of chronic lying (example: Jeep is moving to China), numerous attempts at voter suppression (Pennsylvania, Florida, Michigan), and hundreds of millions of dollars spent on negative advertising and campaigns (gone, gone, gone, Precious), all in a single, coordinated effort to unseat President Obama, they still failed by 5 million votes, and got absolutely obliterated in the electoral college.  In sum, Republicans gave it everything they had in 2012, and lost, decidedly, to a man that passed universal health care reform, openly endorsed gay marriage, and constantly spoke of the role government should play in establishing equal economic opportunities for all.  These are the facts of the case, and they are undisputed.

Depressingly, as a single entity, the Republican Party reminds me of so many people I meet these days: forthright, honest, even brazen in their beliefs—and absolutely dead-ass wrong about all of them.  The kind of person where you can’t help muttering, “dumbshit” under you breath at least twice during conversation.

One need only examine their beliefs briefly to see that this is true.  On one hand, they oppose abortion, because they disagree with the taking of innocent life, but in their same moral universe (along with “stand your ground” laws), somehow, is the right to own guns—specifically assault weapons—which they view as an unassailable freedom.  In other words, if a fetus is killed, that’s murder—terrible, terrible murder that demands almost all of our political energy—but if, on the other hand, 20 elementary school children are mowed down by an assault weapon whose sole purpose is to kill human beings in large numbers, well, that’s just the price we pay for freedom.  And no, it doesn’t work in reverse—people that are pro-choice don’t believe that the fetus is a person (it’s not…that’s why it’s called a fetus and not a human), whereas pro-lifers these days are on the verge of declaring masturbation a crime, and sperm half-people.  Or is it 2/3rds?

Oh, and let’s remember, that while Republicans hate abortion, they also hate people; if you’re not a fetus, well, you’re just not much of anyone.  See, according to the GOP, health care is not a human right, education should not be free or public, and Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Unemployment Insurance, and any other aid for the poor, elderly, or disabled, should be done away with entirely and/or severely gutted.  They also believe, in large part, that regulations aimed to protect public or worker safety should be gotten rid of so that corporations can score larger profits.  Silly public.  Ungrateful workers.

Worse, when we look through the kaleidoscope that is the Republican world view, women who take birth control are sluts, black people are lazy, Latinos are illegal immigrants, and anyone who’s not Christian is probably a secret Marxist commie, who wants nothing more than to help Obama turn this country Red, which will make us like Greece!  Greece I tell you!  Gotta love Krugman.

Finally, overarching all of this Republican antihumanism is a deep suspicion of the scientific community—check that, let’s just call it the fact-based community.  You see, if you’re a Republican and you don’t like the facts, you can just choose to denounce them, and then just make shit up that you think sounds good based on your narrow minded, bigoted world view (to be truly successful, you have to end with something like, “and that’s why the blacks shouldn’t be able to go to school”).  According to this line of thinking, global warming/climate change is a hoax, evolution is an affront to the book of Genesis and the Christian faith, and critical thinking should not be taught in schools, because it might encourage children to disobey their parents.

Let’s look at these again briefly, from a mathematical perspective:

The Republican Equation

1)    abortion = immoral

2)    assault weapons x freedom for idiots on the fringes of society > Newtown + Clackamas + Aurora + Gabby Giffords + gun related (homicides + suicides)

3)    fetus > real, post vaginal human being (-1000 if poor, female, or non-white)

4)    school + critical thinking < right to beat/control children

5)    science + facts < preservation of backward beliefs x ignorance

The Republican party is on the wrong side of just about every issue, and yet they seem to think that the solution to losing the Presidency is not to change their values to better reflect those of the American people, but to find a way to cheat their way into power.  I’m reminded of Star Wars Episode 4, when Princess Leah says to Governor Tarkin, “The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.”  Ultimately, she’s right; every power grab made by the Empire further emboldened the Rebels.  On the flip side, without general support from the public, the Rebels would have had no chance—what allowed them to operate in secret was society’s complicity—the fact that a large proportion of the public agreed with their cause.

The Republicans enjoy no such popularity.  In an NBC/Wall Street Journal Poll (buried, I might add, about 20 paragraphs down in the story), one finds that 49% of the public view the GOP negatively, their highest negative rating since 2008.  Only 26% view them positively (this compared to a 44% positive rating for the Democratic Party—38% negative).  Nearly 70% of all Americans believe in man-made climate change, 58% want to ban assault weapons, and 58% also oppose cuts in Social Security and/or Medicare, positions on which the Republican Party is deeply out of step with the country they suppose to govern.

Yet, true to their inability to incorporate facts into their politics, they seem to believe that continuing to hold unpopular positions on important issues is OK, so long as they tone down their worship of the rich and their disdain for the middle and lower classes. Woe be unto them if they do if they continue down this path.  It is one thing to force changes through government when acting as a part of the majority, but to do so as a minority party, whose supporters are a shrinking demographic, is arrogant, deeply undemocratic, and ultimately self-defeating.  See, one way or another, this power grab—this brand of asshole politics they’re playing—is going to blow up in their faces.

Think the halfwits can solve this one?

knowledge x truth x majority = democracy > low IQ (ignorance + minority)

About The Author: Jay Scott


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