How the Trump Stole the GOP, Dr. Seuss Edition

Thank you Dr. Suess, for your inspiration…


All normal

Americans liked

Democracy a lot…


But the Trump,

Who lived south of Decency,

Did NOT!


Trump hated Democracy! The whole silly tradition!

Now, please don’t ask why. It escapes erudition.

It could be, like most Republicans, he knew nothing but hate.

It could be that as children, they could never relate.

But I think the most likely reason of all

May have been that these people simply hadn’t evolved.



Whatever the reason,

His hate or Fox News,

He stood in his bathroom, hating the truth,

Staring down from Trump Tower with a cantankerous sneer,

At the multicultural multitudes he saw living here.

For he knew all the humans happily living beneath,

Were intent in their views: freedom was their belief.


“And they’re hoping for Hillary!” he snarled like a grump.

“Or feeling the Bern—not the great Donald Trump!”

Then he screamed at the TV, like an ignorant racist,

“I must find some way to keep America tasteless!”



In November, he knew…


… They’d all rush out to vote

For most anyone sane—the GOP would be toast!

And then! Oh, they’d gloat! Oh, they’d Gloat! Gloat! Gloat! Gloat!

That’s the one thing he hated! They’d Gloat! Gloat! Gloat! Gloat!


Then Americans, young and old, would all celebrate hope!

And they’d hope! And they’d hope!

And they’d hope!




And they’d talk diversity, equal rights for all kinds,

Things Trump and the right wing completely despised!



They’d do something

He liked less than Asians!

Every decent American, Black, Brown, and Caucasian,

Would stand against hate, say enough is enough,

They’d stand hand-in-hand, “No more of this stuff!


“No more of this hate—it’s time to be smart,

For Christ’s sake, be kind, help the poor, have a heart!”


And the more the Trump thought how much it would sting,

The more the Trump thought, “I must stop this whole thing!

“Why, since 1865 we’ve put up with it now!”

“I MUST stop Democracy from coming!

… But HOW?


Then he got an idea!

An awful idea!




“I know just what to do!” The Trump laughed like a rat.

And he donned his “Make America Great Again” hat.

Then he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Trumpy plan!”

“With this hat on, Republicans will think I’m the man!”


“All I need is a scapegoat…”

The Trump looked around.

And thanks to Fox News, that’s just what he found.

“They all hate Obama,”

he thought, “No matter the day,”

If I can just harness their racism some way?”

So he ran for President of the ole’ USA,

and his in first speech, he appealed to their hate:

“They’re criminals, rapists, murderers too,

let’s send them all back, that’s just what we’ll do.”



He loaded his toupees

And some foreign made suits

On a luxury plane

And he set out to do it.


Then the Trump crowed, “I’m UUUUGE!”

As he launched his campaign

He’d promise great deals

Make the most of his name.


All his fans’ hearts were dark. Seething hate filled their heads.

They’d been watching Fox News, the truth all but dead.

They believed every word—whatever he said.

“They’re all just so stupid,” the old Trumpy Trump hissed.

“I’ll make empty promises, they’re so easily pissed.”


Then he ramped up the bombast, an easy, slick trick.

After all, he’d had practice being a dick.

He got pushback for sure, from other contenders,

But he slapped them all down like a drunk on a bender.

His popularity soared, the more anger he showed,

“The Mexicans,” he declared, “are the first ones to go.”


Then he took a quick trip, down South to the border,

“We’ll build a great wall,” he told every reporter.

Armed guards with guns! Miles of electric fence!

Did it matter that none of it made any sense?

Of course not! Republicans, such a gullible group,

They bought every word, raved and ranted like fools.


Then he slandered our veterans. Did they care then? Why no!

So he continued the game—he’d put on a show.

He jumped to UUUUUGGGGGE leads in poll after poll,

Why, that Trump even pretended that he had a soul.


Then he gawked at and mocked all his amateur foes.

“And NOW!” grinned the Trump, “those losers are toast!”


Then the Trump went after Jeb!, and his poll numbers dove,

The establishment panicked, they called Karl Rove.

But Trump turned on them fast: he’d run independent,

They couldn’t defeat him, the man was transcendent.


And every time Trump got caught in some little bind,

For saying awful things of every possible kind,

People would look at him close and ask, “Trumpy Trump, why,

“Why are you spreading such bigoted lies?”


But, you know, that old Trump was so mean—such a dick,

He wouldn’t say sorry, he knew just the trick!

“Why, it’s only for safety,” the Trumpy Trump cried,

“We’re at war with the Muslims—people have died!

“Remember my friends, this won’t be forever.

“Your lives are in danger, we need someone clever!”


And his lie fooled Republicans, their being so dumb,

He just went on Fox News, and bam, it was done.

Then they went to his rallies, enraged by his lies,

They attacked #BlackLivesMatter—they shouted sieg heils!


The final canard?

Endorsing their evil!

“They deserved roughing up,” he said, that sly devil.

“My fans are just passionate—apologize? Never!”


And the reason his press

Just grew leaps and bounds?

Why the media’s shameless: corruption abounds.



He did the same thing

All over the states


And the base

Loved the hate:

“You’re not white—go away!”


Then at the convention…

The establishment freaked,

His fans smashing heads

Like Brown Shirts in the streets!

His toupee looked fantastic! His hair was just right!

He wore his hat and his sneer, projecting his might!


But down in the chasms, within the arena,

Ryan, Rove, and McConnell, all clucked like hyenas!

“Pooh-Pooh to the Trump,” they fiendishly laughed.

“We won’t let him win—we decide and that’s that.

“He won’t run independent, he hasn’t the balls!

“His mouth will hang open, he’ll get up his gall

“Then Trump and his clowns will fall in line after all!”


“That’s a fall,” grinned the three,

“That we simply must see!”

A brokered convention! A new nominee!

Then they looked at the Trump, to see his great fall,

But he sneered and rose up, wasn’t bothered at all…


“I’m UUGGGGEEEE,” he cried, loudly!

“You thought I’d quit easy?

“I make deals, you dumb bastards,

“You cannot defeat me!”


He stared down the arena!

The Trump popped his eyes!

Then he raised his right hand

Soaring into the sky!


Every racist Republican, the white and the old,

Was saluting! They’d leave Ryan out in the cold!

Tea People

They HADN’T stopped Trump from coming!


Somehow or other, he came just the same!


And the GOP, dicks hanging out in the wind,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: “they don’t care if we win?

“He came without reason! No experience at all!

“He sought out the racists and they answered his call!”

And they puzzled for months, til it was November.

Then Republicans had a thought they ought to remember.

“Maybe Democracy,” they thought, “isn’t something you treat like a whore?

“Maybe Democracy… perhaps… means something much more!”


And what happened then…?

An autopsy came in:

The GOP can’t win

On lies and racism.

And for awhile they played nice, pretended to care,

But that didn’t last long with Fox News on the air.

Not conservative enough! Should’ve hated and seethed!

And he…


Donald Trump…!

Became face of the GOP!

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Thanks again to Dr. Seuss for his inspiration!

About The Author: Jay Scott


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