Conservatives are dumb…no really, I can prove it!

So, as it turns out, we were right.  Conservatives are dumbAnd racist.

That’s correct.  Dumb and racist.  What is interesting, is that we can prove this—it’s not just something we have to suspect anymore while biting our tongues.

Indeed, a new study has been published this month in “Psychological Science,” which “found that lower general intelligence in childhood predicts greater racism in adulthood, and this effect was largely mediated via conservative ideology.”  Additionally, the study found that this was corroborated by a secondary sample done in the U.S. (the first was conducted in the U.K.), which showed a strong predictive effect of “poor abstract reasoning skills on anti-homosexual prejudice, a relation partially mediated by authoritarianism and low levels of intergroup contact.”

See, conservatives don’t even know what that means.  But we do: it explains everything.  It explains why conservatives can listen to fat, fat Rush Limbaugh lie to them again and again and still believe he says.  It’s because they’re really fucking dumb.  It also explains why Barack Obama remains a figure at which so much irrational hate is directed: Republicans are dumb.  After all, it’s hard to disagree with some idiot screaming on Fox News about Socialism, Marxism, and Kenya, when you think the first two are synonyms for evil (as opposed to philosophies on government), and the last one is a Muslim country in the Middle East.

Let me put it a different way: did anyone watch the 1,998 Republican Presidential Debates preceding the 2012 election?  An optimistic guess might put the average IQ among the crowds around 65.  Or to put it a different way, we’d have a greater chance of finding 30 Tweety-Bird shirts in that toothless mob than anyone with an IQ over 100.

For liberal masochists, I might offer The Republican Brain: The Science of Why They Don’t Believe in Science, by Chris Mooney.  In an article written by the same author, he catalogues how a Republican by the name of Andrew Schafly, created a site called Conservapedia (counterpart to Wikipedia, whose honesty is clearly to challenging to the conservative world view), which is a place where idiots can go to learn that other people also like to believe in fucking nonsense.  Though I haven’t read it, I expect the book is more of the same.

Really, this is quite frightening…so what do we do?  We call them on it.  Now some of you may blush at that: “how am I just going to call my friends idiots?”  For those of you that know me, I find it easier than some, but obviously it should be delivered as an observation of news and science.  Once delivered, there are only two possible reactions conservatives can have to this assertion: 1) they won’t believe it, but being that they’re probably stupid, they won’t be sure that they don’t believe it, and you’ll have planted a creeping seed of doubt in their mind—hopefully they’ll never vote again; or 2) they’ll believe it, but propose that they’re not one of the stupid ones (which is probably true if their brain can handle such discernment), leaving them only one place to go.

See, liberals, now is the time we have difficulty with—the throat stomp.  The throat stomp is a sports metaphor.  It’s late in the game, your team’s up by a comfortable margin, but the other side is still playing hard—even dirty—and they still think they can win.  At that point, a great team stomps their throat, squeezing the air out of their body until there is nothing left; it destroys any hope that the other side has of winning, playing the rest of the game with cruel efficiency and determination.  A throat stomp leaves no doubt of dominance, and that is what we must do now.  Just think of Glen Beck and his stupid, stupid face.

Conservatives, as we’ve established, are, as a group, much, much dumber than we are, but this is no time to feel bad for them.  Let’s not forget, these are people that oppose reasonable gun regulations, disparage universal healthcare, obstruct reasonable economic policies, and fight tooth and nail against social progress, i.e. equal rights for women, non-whites, gays, and lesbians.  And what’s worse, those are only their positions because they’re too fucking stupid to know any better, and they receive all of their information from people that are either as stupid as they are, or are evilly using their media/political positions for callous, nation-destroying, self-enrichment (this latter description encompasses an awful lot of people in the Republican ranks).

Why a throat stomp?  Because these people are racist and stupid—and there’s proof.  Morons and bigots don’t deserve to have any say in governing this country.  Make no mistake, we shouldn’t be violent in any manner, or unnecessarily cruel—to do so would be to lose our humanity—but we need to ensure that we all understand what conservatives have become: a group of racist fools that have no business running this great nation.

So do the world a favor, and tell a Republican they’re dumb…and then show them the proof.

WARNING: If you live in a stand-your-ground state, or suspect they’re armed, DON’T DO IT!!!

About The Author: Jay Scott


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