Today, I want to talk about something really, really serious. It’s a topic that affects nearly everyone, and it’s actually one point on which conservatives and liberals widely agree: college football is broken. And stupid.
I would say it is actually getting to the point where college football has become a kind of strange joke that we’ve all heard a hundred times. It wasn’t funny the first time, it isn’t funny now, and I’m actually getting pretty angry that someone’s telling me the same shitty joke over and over again.
Now the thing is, I used to like college football. I mean the pageantry, the tradition, the excuse to drink and eat like a glutton on Saturday mornings—hell, it’s great. But lets face the facts, everyone knows the BCS sucks, and every year the bowls seem more and more meaningless.
Didn’t you hear the big sucking sound a few weekends ago—that was the collective sigh of college football fans knowing that the season was over, and all that’s left is a bunch of glorified exhibition games. I mean, just listen to some of these bowl names: the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, the Beef O’ Brady’s St. Petersburg Bowl, the San Diego Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl…ugh. I’d rather be flogged with a sock full of nickels than have to sit down and watch those games. I can’t imagine the players or coaches are honestly that excited—hmm…let’s see, being at home with my family or playing a meaningless football game in Idaho in December?
And no disrespect meant to the players, but why should anyone watch the Gildan New Mexico Bowl, where Temple is playing Wyoming? I sure can’t wait to watch that one—I haven’t looked at the rosters, but I can pretty much guarantee this: there probably isn’t one NFL player between the two teams, and their collective tradition is about as rich as that of the bowl they’re playing in. Doesn’t your grandpappy remember that one legendary Gildan New Mexico Bowl in 19ought56? No, he doesn’t, because it didn’t exist, and back then someone would’ve had the class to say no to what is a clear and shameless money grab for all involved.
Here are some other thrilling matchups: Ohio vs. Utah State in the spud bowl (on that godawful blue field), San Diego State vs. Louisiana-Lafayette in the R & L Carriers New Orleans Bowl, and Northern Illinois vs. Arkansas State in the GoDaddy.com bowl. You couldn’t pay a poor man to watch those games.
Even the championship game is kind of a sleeper: Alabama vs. LSU, a game we’ve already seen, where the two teams from the same division in the same conference, scored a total of 15 points—all field goals. Boy, that sounds like a riot! I can hardly wait…ugh.
Actually, the whole point of this is that, personally, I can, and I will. I’m going to wait for something better, and once again, I call on all Americans to do something for their country this holiday season: a strategic boycott of NCAA Division 1 bowl games.
Here’s how it works: pick two games you really want to see—obviously if your team is in a bowl, you’ll want to watch it, and one other, whether it’s the “national championship” or some other big one like the Rose bowl, or the Orange Bowl. Since my team, the Beavers (Oregon State), epically failed this year, I get to pick two. Anyway, watch those two bowls. Enjoy them, party, rejoice. And then turn off your television, or watch some meaningless countdown show on VH1.
You see, the only way we are going to end this corrupt system of the BCS and the bowl system is by voting as consumers. If every American college football fan watched only two bowl games, the BCS, corporate sponsors, and the media would have to take a serious look at making a change to the system. However, as long as people keep watching and the games get good ratings, there’s no pressure on the establishment of college football to change the status quo. They’ll just sit there, give lip service to the fact that things aren’t perfect and that the sport has some problems, then turn around and smoke cigars in the good ol’ boys network they all live in while corporate sponsors continue to line their pockets with millions of dollars.
To be perfectly honest, there’s not a lot of difference between college football and the way our government functions. For this post I’ll leave the politics out of it, but the fact is that whether liberal or conservative, most Americans agree that our politicians have been corrupted by all the money that floods in for their re-election campaigns, and the fact that as long as they play ball, they’ve got a nice fat lobbying job waiting for them when they decide to retire from “public service.” It’s the same with the BCS—as long as they can make money by maintaining the status quo, they aren’t going to do anything that looks like a Div-1 playoff system even though 80% of Americans think there should be one. They don’t care—and they won’t until we do something about it.
Pick your two games. Boycott the rest. Do it for America.