An Open Letter to Conservatives: You’re Wrong

OK, so here’s one dedicated to our conservative friends—anytime they start talking crazy, feel free to send this in response.

Dear Nutbag,

You are wrong.  You aren’t dumb, but you are so completely wrong I am tempted to think you have the brain capacity of a termite.  You are a good, decent human being, and generally I enjoy your company, but when it comes to politics, you are batshit krazy—so crazy that I had to swear and misspell a word to capture your level of derangement.

I know you are nuts, so you probably have already checked out, but if you are still listening, let’s take this point by point:

1) You believe that climate change/global warming is a liberal conspiracy.  You are wrong.  It is real.  Scientists (real ones that aren’t paid by oil companies) pretty much all agree.  I’m not going to cite any studies or quote anyone, because that doesn’t work with your kind; if it did, you wouldn’t believe what you do.  I just want you to know you are wrong—not dumb—but very, very wrong.

2) You believe that President Obama is a socialist (the DOW has nearly doubled since he came into office), that he has attacked freedom (by allowing people access to affordable health care), and who knows what else.  Again, you are wrong, and to believe these things is insane, because there is absolutely zero proof that any of these allegations even occupy the same universe as the truth.  Remember, a rational person has reasons and facts to back up their beliefs.  But you aren’t rational when it comes to politics—you are a fucking lunatic.   I don’t know why, because again, I like you and know that you are intelligent in other arenas of life.

FYI: in truth, Obama is actually a fairly conservative Democrat: he’s cut taxes, his health care reform bill was based on a proposal from the incredibly conservative Heritage Foundation, he’s been willing to compromise on most everything with Republicans, and he’s proposed more serious measures than they have when it comes to cutting the deficit.  Thus, your beliefs about him reveal that when it comes to politics, you are an idiot.  Or racist.  But I know you’re better than that (right?), so for now we’ll stick with idiot.

3) You believe that cutting taxes creates jobs.  Dumb.

You think that loosening government regulations and/or consumer protections creates jobs.  Dumb.  And Dangerous.

You advocate going to war constantly, and somehow believe that Bush was right about Iraq.  Dumb.  Completely brainwashed.

All of these things caused the recent recession/depression, and are responsible for our massive deficits, both state and federal.  What is amazing is that you have clear evidence within your recent experience to show you that these ideas are horrible and that they don’t work, yet, almost magically, you continue to believe in them.  Since your position directly attacks my economic prospects in the world, as well as every other American’s economic interests, it make me mad that you believe these things.  In fact, I am furious that you currently support a party that wants to destroy economic opportunities for ordinary Americans.  That is wrong.  I mean, you voting against your own best interests as well as most everyone else’s: that is just magnificent bastardry.

4) You hate teachers, as well as anyone that works for a union.  Why?  Do you not understand that teachers are as necessary to education as doctors are to the practice of medicine?  Do you not understand that education forms the bedrock of a modern society?  Do you not understand that because of unions, we now get to work an eight-hour-day, a five-day-week; that because of unions we get vacation, benefits, and substantially more in pay?  And yet you hate them, for no other reason than that you’ve been told to hate them.  Absurd.

5) You hate the government, yet you rely on it everyday.  You drive to work on roads that were built by the county, state, or national government.  Your kids attend schools and play in parks that are paid for with tax dollars.  Your business relies on the police and fire for security and safety, not to mention the military.  The post office provides a cheap and effective means to reach your customers, especially the ones that live in rural areas.  Our court system and prisons keep dangerous people behind bars, and allow a forum where you can advocate for yourself and get a fair hearing on legal issues.

Finally, when you reach retirement age, you will get extremely cheap medical insurance that the government helps pay for, because no sane insurance company would ever cover the elderly.  You’ll also get a check each month to help with bills, so that you don’t have to worry about financial ruin during the twilight of your life.  The government does all of this and more, yet you take it for granted and hate it.  That is really fucking stupid.  And wrong.

6) You say you value freedom and liberty, but your social beliefs attack freedom at every turn.  You hate gay people and want to ensure that the government discriminates against their right to marry the person they love.  You want government laws all over a woman’s right to make private decisions about her own reproductive system—and not just when it comes to abortion—apparently this now includes birth control as well.  In fact, when it comes to individual freedoms, the only one you actually stand for on a consistent basis is the right to own as many firearms as humanly possible.

Worse, you want the Christian religion to become involved in politics, which is clearly in violation of our laws separating church and state.  You say you want the government out of your life, but when you have control of it, you want the government to stick its nose in everyone else’s.  You are a horrifying hypocrite on this issue—you are so wrong—to the point where your other political beliefs often violate principles of Christianity and you fail to even realize it.  Awful.  Just awful.

I could go one here, but I just want you to know, no matter how fervently you believe what you believe, you are wrong.  Dead wrong on just about every possible issue.  Moreover, the longer you hold these beliefs, the larger your tinfoil hat will grow, and the more you will alienate yourself from a society that, by and large, is mostly made up of reasonable people.

That is why you are going to lose this election, and maybe many more after that.  The simple truth is that your extreme beliefs are massively out-of-touch with a majority of our society.  On top of that, even if you aren’t racist, bigoted, or otherwise hateful toward your fellow human beings, many of the people that hold your beliefs are.  Are you sure you want to be on their side of history?

So to sum up, politically, you are wrong.  I know you don’t believe me, and that no amount of facts, logic, or data will ever change your mind.  Nevertheless, you’re wrong, and I can assure you that unless there is some kind of miracle or a coup d’état, your party is going to lose power and become increasingly marginalized over time.  You know why?  BECAUSE YOU ARE WRONG!

If you still don’t understand, here is a list of groups of people that should never vote for the Republican party—in other words, on issues that are important to the following groups of people, Republicans are wrong:

1) Women

2) African Americans, immigrants, Latinos—basically anyone who is not white.

3) Gays/lesbians

4) Union members

5) Homeowners

6) Teachers

7) Students

8) Construction workers

9) Postal workers

10) Police officers

11) Firemen/women

12) Small business owners

13) Anyone that wants health care insurance costs controlled

14) Anyone that doesn’t want Wall Street to crash again

15) Anyone involved in the automobile industry

16) Any true libertarian

17) Enlisted military

18) Anyone that wants to shrink the budget deficit

19) Judges/lawyers/anyone that believes in the rule of law

20) Anyone that wants consumer protections in place for food, water, safety

21) Anyone that wants to invest in alternative energy

22) Anyone who wants to protect the environment

23) Anyone that is not a Christian

24) Anyone that wants to invest in the nation’s infrastructure

25) Anyone that values freedom on the internet

26) Poker players

27) Anyone against the war on drugs/a sane prison policy

28) Anyone against bribing members of Congress

29) Anyone against buying elections

30) The poorer 99% of U.S. society

Finally, I’d be happy to explain anything I’ve said in this document if you’re willing to change your political philosophy based on logic, reason, and facts.  However, up to this point you’ve chosen to listen to a bunch of people that lie to you, to believe those lies as if they were the spoken word of God, and to completely disregard any information that conflicts with those beliefs.  If that is going to continue to be the case, reasons, logic, and facts don’t matter, but know this: you’re wrong.



Truth Telling Human


About The Author: Jay Scott


  • Reply Porterhouse Tartar

    If you could say Jesus a couple of more times and look peevish, I mean, really peevish, I might come around to your perspective.

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