Based on significant social and political science research, the following details what Republicans objectively believe, as revealed by Donald Trump’s Presidency. Click on the hyperlinks for more information.
No. 1: The best way to help poor people is to give rich people more money.
No. 2: Access to healthcare is killing ordinary Americans. Yes, you read that right.
No. 3: Anyone with a keyboard or a microphone knows as much as every expert, especially climate scientists, economists, and any so-called college professor. Libtard, libtard, LIBTARD!
No. 4: Calling someone racist means… YOU’RE racist–because racism is totally solved, man, it doesn’t happen anymore. Even Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts agrees.
(He just really likes chicken)
No. 5: The separation between church and state is just a suggestion. It doesn’t apply to Evangelical Christianity.
No. 6: Democrats and libtards are always wrong. Always, without exception. Hence the term: libtard.
No. 7: All liberal protestors are paid, usually by George Soros or some other socialist, anarchist, Marxist libtard. Because Republicans never do anything to upset their constituents, like taking people’s healthcare away, working with Russia to undermine our elections, passing laws specifically designed to prevent black people from voting, or throwing out voter-approved ballot measures against corruption. That’s all fake news.
No. 8: When a posse of white people with guns take over federal property and trash it, it’s a peaceful protest protected by the First Amendment. When women assemble with pussy hats in public streets, it’s a riot. It’s also a riot if Native Americans try to protect their land.
(A camping Patriot)
No. 9: Ignorance is strength.
No. 10: If information comes out that’s bad for Republicans or Donald Trump, it’s a hit piece by the liberal media or fake news. In fact, it’s safe to assume anything upsetting to conservatives, like science, climate change, or expert analysis is a conspiracy concocted by Obama, Soros, the Clintons, or Pelosi—hell, probably all of them—just like those goddamn paid protestors.
No. 11: When Republicans don’t win elections, it’s because there was massive voter fraud in California or other libtard states.
No. 12: Wall Street Banks like Goldman Sachs were totally in Crooked Hillary’s pocket—NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT TRUMP’S CABINET!
No. 13: Russia and Vladimir Putin? They cool.
No. 14: War is peace.
No. 15: Australia, Germany, Mexico, China, Canada, and Europe? ON NOTICE.
No. 16: Chicago is the fucking worst. Mainly because it’s where Obama comes from and there are lots of black people (thugs) in gangs who kill each other constantly—and the fact this happens means we shouldn’t care about it when black people are killed by the police. Because black people kill each other too, see.
No. 17: In fact, anytime a black person is killed by police, the officer is justified. Because only #BlueLivesMatter.
No. 18: #AllLivesMatter really means #WhiteLivesMatter, and #BlackLivesMatter is a hate group. See below for explanation.
No. 19: When people are killed by a black or brown person, it’s because of terrorism or a conspiracy against white people. When people are killed by a white person, it’s because he had mental issues and/or a tough childhood. Hell, even the liberal media knows this!
No. 20: Freedom is slavery.
No. 21: And really, slavery isn’t all that bad. I mean they got food, and clothes, and heck, sometimes just the thing people need is a good beating? Am I right AP?
No. 22: There’s a war against white people, because they make up only 91% of the most powerful people in our country. It should be 100%.
No. 23: Laws are extremely effective when it comes to preventing pesky things like people voting, drug use, unions, or poor women having access to healthcare, but laws never work when it comes to regulating guns. Because criminals will just break the law anyway.
No. 24: When arguing about gun restrictions, knives and pencils and hammers are every bit as dangerous as a gun, but when it comes to self-protection, only an assault rifle openly carried in public will do.
No. 25: What Jesus meant when He said, “the meek… shall inherit the earth,” is that Ayn Rand is right about everything and we should all try to be as selfish as possible from now on.
No. 26: Immigrants should be white and/or Christian—preferably both.
No. 27: Oversight is an essential part of Congressional duties—unless there’s a Republican in office. Then matters tend to just take care of themselves.
No. 28: The debt and deficit matter—but only when Democrats are in office. When Republicans are in office, the most important thing is to spend a lot more money on the military and decrease taxes for rich people.
No. 29: As far as the Bill of Rights goes, the Second Amendment is the most important—by far—but ignore the part about a well-regulated militia.
No. 30: The only thing that matters in the First Amendment is the freedom of speech, but that’s mostly just for rich white people and large multinational corporations who can afford to bribe politicians. The freedom of religion only applies to Christians, and the freedom to protest (really, the freedom of Soros to pay protestors to advance his liberal, socialist, Marxist agenda) and of the press are suspect—just look at what the failing New York Times does with it.
(Patriot. And Nascar driver)
No. 31: Number 3 is overly restrictive—it would save the military a lot of money if we could quarter troops in people’s houses. Get rid of it just so long as rich white people don’t have to do it.
No. 32: Numbers 4-7 are stupid. No one but a law breaking criminal needs them.
No. 33: The Eighth Amendment is also a bunch of gobbledy-gook. Torturing people works damnit!
No. 34: We still have no fucking clue what the Ninth Amendment means, but it might be useful if it helps us to challenge libtard environmental laws.
No. 35: The Tenth Amendment is for STATE’S RIGHTS—important when there’s a libtard in the White House, but not really worth worrying about now that Trump is our so-called President.
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